THE BUMBLIES

(after THE JUMBLIES by Edward Lear)

They set out to sea in a sloop, they did,
In a sloop they set to sea;
And every one said, “You must be brave
To visit the land of the tidal wave
In a sloop that’s set to sea!”
“And when the sloop turns round and round,”
They said, “It’s the way to get perfectly browned.”
So they’d made their plan and their minds were set, And they got on a plane and arrived at Phuket
To a sloop that set to sea.
Far and few, far and few
Are the travels of this little group.
Their bodies are browned,
And their attributes round,
And they went to sea in a sloop.

They sailed out to sea in a sloop, they did,
With not enough wind to go fast.
They claimed they’d all become oh so trim.
And they’d work off the Singha beer with a swim.
(Its much more refreshing than going to the gym.)
They just hoped the result would last.
And some of them covered their bodies with crud,
And said, “We’ll perfect our skin with this mud.”
And they snorkelled at islands with coral sands
Below limestone cliffs in these tropical lands
As they puttered on slowly past.
Far and few, far and few
Are the travels of this little group.
Their bodies are browned,
And their attributes round,
And they went to sea in a sloop.

They sailed out to sea in a sloop they did,
And a kayak they took to the shore.
They crept through a cave with a bat filled pong
To arrive with screams in a sun-drenched hong.
Which was truly a treat in store.
And the monitor lizard gave quite a fright,
While the fruit bats flew on their evening flight,
And the monkeys played there in the trees,
And the coconut palms waved in the breeze.
They could hardly ask for more.
Far and few, far and few
Are the travels of this little group.
Their bodies are browned,
And their attributes round,
And they went to sea in a sloop.

They sailed out to sea in a sloop they did
And they came to James Bond’s isle.
And they took the kayak through mangrove swamps
With Bond girl protection from crocodile chomps,
As they paddled in single file.
And a Bond girl swam with her inner tubes
And they said don’t be silly its just her boobs.
But when they could see the enemy hoard
They quickly retreated back on board
And declined to stay a while.
Far and few, far and few
Are the travels of this little group.
Their bodies are browned,
And their attributes round,
And they went to sea in a sloop.

They sailed out to sea in a sloop they did
In a sloop well stocked with booze.
And Henri suffered a small decline
As she had to be veto’ed from pouring wine
Regardless of bubble or hues;
Yet they drank their bottles of Moet & C
And occasional helpings of Long Island tea
And Ed was detailed to pour the gin
And he found Lime Fanta, when added in,
Would match with Vicky’s bruise.
Far and few, far and few
Are the travels of this little group.
Their bodies are browned,
And their attributes round,
And they went to sea in a sloop.

They sailed out to sea in a sloop they did
But when they came to the shore
Siska ordered the finest meals.
(For Ed, green curry’s the thing that appeals)
(Though Liz found some of the food too hot
She was brave and did not complain – well a lot!)
And everyone wanted more.
And they finished their journey quite well trained
And no one seemed to be over-strained
Apart from the usual pain of those,
Who’d burned their bodies and stubbed their toes
And lay writhing in the floor.
Far and few, far and few
Are the travels of this little group.
Their bodies are browned,
And their attributes round,
And they went to sea in a sloop.

Robert Stedall
11 February 2005